Ishan's Letter to Me

13 February 2008

There was a time, back in 2008, when I was not very happy. After listening to my laments one day, my then best friend Ishan wrote me a letter. And today, once again when I'm not in the best of spirits, his words had the same effect and managed to make me smile and believe like it did almost 4 years back.

Tanaya,

You are a very stupid girl. You have (/had) nothing to be depressed about. I know sometimes it seems like nothings going for you and it’s easy to take for granted what you have. It’s also easy to never be satisfied with your lot and though ambition is a virtue to be admired, you have to know when you’ve reached a pinnacle, when you have all you need and could ask for. You have to recognize the value of what you’re given even if it doesn’t seem like what you’d dreamed for. Happiness is hard to attain and sustain and sometime unconsciously we prefer pain and misery because it is the 
uncomplicated thing to do.

What do you really want? You have to think about it. It appears to be a straightforward question and maybe it is but finding an answer to it isn’t. Someone once told me that all we really want is to be happy. True. But the problem is that adults, being the ignorant fucks that they are, will impress upon you that happiness will result from hard work. The fuck it will. The good kids will listen. They will study they will work their asses off like worker bees. But you know the deal with worker bees, right Tanaya? Worker bees work ceaselessly for their entire lives with almost no recompense. At most they can hope to get it on with the queen bee and die happy rather than die of natural causes or due to the exertions of a resourceful, swift twelve year old with a fly swatter. What was my point again? Yeah most people go through their entire life without ever really being fulfilled or happy. But happiness is just an abstract concept. It’s not something you can reach out for and grab with your hands. The thing you should do is seriously contemplate what makes you happy and then do all you can to have that. Different things make different people happy yeah? For some its drugs. For others, cunt, chocolates, smokes, flowers, music, a Latin man in a red thong with whipped cream on his nipples. Whatever.

I suppose I can understand why you were temporarily unhappy I really do but don’t discount all you have in times of distress. I am not going to arrange another inventory of all you have going for you ( I know you’d like that but I don’t want to sound like a broken record and I cannot really achieve originality in my compliments any more) but lets just say that you cannot really claim a lack of anything really (except for common sense and a sense of humour at times) so just stop fretting, breathe in, breathe out, smile. And think about what or who makes you happy. Hold onto that or if you haven’t found it yet don’t despair its coming your way. Just keep your eyes open (“Constant vigil!”) and don’t let it pass you by. And look to the future. You never know what it has in store. I could spend my entire life reminiscing about the good old days, wallowing in memories of flying kites, reading comic books for the first time, an extraordinary adolescent romance, walking through lush green fields in spring. But though I was happy in those instances, those moments are history. Right now is all you have.    

Think about what makes you happy. It’s a Latin man in a red thong with whipped cream on his nipples isn’t it you perverted little girl?  

Ishan, wherever you are, I'd like to tell you that I miss you. That's all. You are the closest I have met to a soulmate. Nothing will make me more happy than getting a random call from you one fine day. Waiting :-)